As I grow older, as I love on myself more and more, as I walk in knowing exactly who the fuck I am -I am identifying different traumatic experiences that have caused me to move further and further away from who I really am.
The jobs where you feel underappreciated and of little to no value. The business deals gone horribly wrong. The copy cats waiting in the shadows for you to make another move so that they can make theirs. The ex-friends that were disloyal and never batted an eye with remorse. The past relationships where you settled for much less than you deserve. The sexual advances from those who are supposed to be like family, colleagues, and those who are never supposed to view you in that way. The family that turned foe. Hitting rock bottom…
It’s like I looked up one day and Terrace as I knew her ceased to exist. This is something I would never wish upon my worst enemy and this is the reason for so much of the work that I do today, because this is something that I dread thinking about happening to my fellow women. Too often we shrink who we are as a defense mechanism to a past trauma.
I remember my first job out of college and how I would dress up each day, do my makeup, curl my hair, and prepare to conquer the day. I was proud to be a part of an establishment ran by African-American women, but being beautiful, taking pride in the way I looked, and being sharp caused my colleagues to view me as competition instead of as an asset (Read more details in my book Own the Throne). Long story short for the sake of this blog post, that position did not last long…but in moving forward with a new position I became self-conscious about everything from my appearance, to monitoring what I said, to the connection I had with my colleagues. Overthinking led to me being inauthentic, anxious, and ultimately my performance in my role suffered. This is just one example of an area of my life that I held back in.
What areas are you holding yourself back in?
Appearance/Self Care/Personal Time
This past Sunday I was honored to be in the presence of some amazing women for the Lipstick and Mingle Pink Brunch Edition. I left feeling connected, refueled, and empowered to be true to who I am. The number one gem that stuck with me as I wrapped this event up was “Don’t shrink yourself”. Don’t fall prey to this concept of the real you not being good enough, of wanting what you see others have just to say that you have it, and of not taking full advantage of the time you have been blessed with. This is the thief of true joy and peace.
Check out some photos from the All Pink Brunch and RSVP for my next event Planning in Pajamas